After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
