So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
