Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
