A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
