I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
