dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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