I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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