I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
