who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
