Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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