I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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