I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
