Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
