Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
