wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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