How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
