I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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