Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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