This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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