she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
