that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
