i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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