i just sent this text using only my big toe
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
