He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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