I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
