What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
