So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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