I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
