You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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