New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
