This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
