it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
