Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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