margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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