I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
