I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
