Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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