You're my little dorito
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
