I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
