batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
