Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
