My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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