mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
