I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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