You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Randomize
