Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
