True but thats because hes a fetus.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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