Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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