A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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