I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My nipple is on Facebook.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
