Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
