If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
